Just Pause to Listen…

1 Apr
Have been wanting to blog for sooo long but laptop got virus…thanks to Bro DW, it is now revived & he even managed to salvage all my data too 🙂  

I think recently I also seemed to have a “virus” attack… When my cell member told me that I appeared to be ‘strange’ lately, I thought it is ‘worrying’ for even the cell group member to notice..heh…

Yes, when I examine myself, I also thought I’m strange recently…tend to feel stressed, sian, low energy easier…no longer as easily cheery…For a few months, I’d got this feeling that I’m like “Jack of all trades, but master of none”…there’s many things I wanted to do well, but there’s so many things to be busy about…Due to the many demands, I seem to lack focus to do everything well enough…I wanted very much to be a good supervisor, good subordinate, spend time with my staff/colleagues to show some concern & hear their stories/feelings, good cell group leader, good intercessor, good deacon, etc etc…but I just don’t have sufficient time & attention to perform each role wholeheartedly…most of the time, I do these things half-heartedly..& was overwhelmed with feelings of inadequacies…Moreover, despite being as busy as ever that I seemed to have lesser time for myself, it all seem to be ‘labour in vain’, as the half-hearted efforts also yielded non-optimal results…& I got this“得不偿失” feeling …& I felt I shortchanged my boss, my staff, my cell members, God etc…

Strangely some years ago, when I faced greater problems, setback, unhappiness, even then I seemed to have more inner strength & joy than now…Actually, my current stress or challenges are not even half the intensity of the problem I had years ago…when I think about, by right it is not that difficult to resolve those stress in Christ mah..but why it seemed so difficult this time…I have already experienced the impossible in God before, so what’s so hard now?

Then I realise that the scariest thing is not the problem/issue itself, but the scariest thing is not being able to hear the voice of God…In my greater problem last time, I heard God & was comforted & courageous…When Stephen was about to be stoned to death, he saw God & was peaceful…When Daniel was in lions’ den, he was assured when he met God in prayers…When Esther, a mere woman, heard God, she was not afraid of even death… God reminded me that recently because of the busyness, I tend to forget to seek God’s voice as often & concretely…because I felt drained, I did not seek to only delight in the Lord, but I only felt happier if I’m freer, etc…

Of course God still shows immense grace all these while… And He is purging that virus out & reminding me that as long as I seek to delight only in Him again, as I did when I faced the great problem years ago, I can receive immeasurable joy & strength again…

 

Today, I had such a wonderful ssg 🙂

Was actually very tired after work…& something happened at work that made me feel real stupid again…& I didn’t feel boss protect me as she should have…

Was secretly happy when my cell members told me they not coming…

Already on way home when suddenly 2 of them called to say they wanted to have cell tonite…

Was wondering how to lead the cell…cos totally not in the mood… But while waiting for them, instead of preparing the message, I kept listening over & over & over again this soothing & nice song posted by sis Liwen recently:

Amazingly, God is as wonderful as ever, it’s really so easy to restore strength when we hear the voice of God…I think my spirit melted the moment I heard this song:

“祷告还沒有蒙垂听的时候 我用信心抬起头

藍天白云总会再次提醒我 神的意念高过我

生命是祢所造 一切祢明瞭 祢岂会不知道 我此刻需要

卸下所有重担完全交托 祢的恩典夠我用”

 

God is so interesting to make me lead cell when I least have the mood…Furthermore, this thurs cell was stopped for months due to another church course, & only resumed this week…I saw how the 2 members’ spirits were lifted up by God Himself & His word…& how words were amazingly added to me when I heard His voice…

 

I still don’t look forward to going to work nowadays…but I think God is telling me the answer is actually very simple: Seek to hear His voice & delight in Him!

Advertisements

2 Responses to “Just Pause to Listen…”

  1. BS April 5, 2011 at 11:21 pm #

    Heya gal, din realised that you were down and still trying your best to keep a smiling face. Sometimes we need a shoulder to lean on and the best person is God cos He is so much bigger and more awesome than we can even imagine! : ) He will surely carry us when we don’t know what to do. U are still His beloved princess no matter how inadequate you might sometimes feel. And u are a precious friend to me too! : )

    • huijun1910 April 6, 2011 at 12:01 am #

      Hey gal, thanks for the encouraging words 🙂
      Yes, we need God & of cos, friend like you who points me to Him!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: