From Dreadful Loneliness to Blissful Solitude :)

2 Mar

Heh…today, I will share an embarrassing little secret” with you…you will find out if you read on…

It’s one of those moments again…the sun is scorching hot, it’s an lazy afternoon, I haven’t taken lunch at 4pm! Whole afternoon I have been trying to prepare a presentation for boss but with very little progress…..dunno why a nearby place, church, which is just 4 MRT stations away from home, suddenly seems like a very faraway place…feel the inertia to go…alone…strange thots swarm in again: “I am that pathetic gal”, with no lunch, boring life working working & working….if it is not work, it’ll be “meaningful, spiritual” stuff, which well, having too much sometimes, can be a little ‘stifling’…….. why other people get to “chill out” but my life is ‘so plain’….why others after all the busyness, tiredness, etc, have at least someone, someone physical/visible to fall back on at home, or at least someone to go church with…but I don’t?……When my typical self sets in, the mere thought of having to take bus followed by mrt followed by walking (under the hot sun)….all alone….is enough to let me have second thoughts about going to church….the half hour journey suddenly seems like an hour to me….I will think “what’s the point of taking all the trouble just to go there for a 2-hr session, is it worth it?”……….yes, sorry to say, though I am a “spiritual” person, a cell leader, yet, at the same time, I’m equally as normal a person as anyone else…the same weak temperament that can grip everyone also often grips the very ‘typical’ me….

Well, that’s me last Sat….as u can already guess, a typical person dreads being alone…& I used to hate being alone….Actually to share a “secret” (the mindmap below), I have never dare to show this mindmap to anyone before (‘cos it’s very embarrassing)….this is what I drew immediately after I broke up 5 yrs ago….the sudden loss made me very scared, scared to be alone…so I thought of all possible ways to occupy my time…

I was someone who can’t even eat alone, do not like to shop around alone, etc…what if I bump into someone I knew….& they are all with their family/friends/boyfriends, wouldn’t it be so awkward, won’t I seem very pathetic in front of them? But over these 5 years, God has gradually healed me & shifted me from dreadful loneliness to blissful solitude….Yes, Jesus has indeed shown me much grace in this area of ‘fear of loneliness’…

For one, after drawing the mindmap, amazingly I did not even need to ‘activate’ it even a single time in the last few years! In the initial years, God Himself faithfully arranged various unexpected & blessed activities for me, such that I won’t feel bored…& knowing the prideful me, who can’t bring myself to ask people out, God sent many “angels” who volunteered to keep me company without me even opening my mouth!

God’s work is always apt….in those initial years, when my spirit is weaker, He gave me more tangible evidences to help me get over the ‘physical loneliness’….But in more recent years, He helps me grasp the real solution to loneliness….that is to enjoy the blissful solitude with the ‘invisible yet ever so near’ Jesus, Lover/SoulmatePeople come, people go, the fun begins but the fun will end too…but Jesus is the only one who is always with me… the end of all fun outings, celebrations, etc, what’s left behind is God’s Spirit within mine, so if I don’t find joy in Him, my joy will never lasts….So increasingly, I have grown to love solitude, love the quiet peace & rest in Christ…where I can just be myself, don’t need to entertain anyone, don’t need to put on any brave or strong spiritual front…but can just enjoy the tendering caressing of the Lord…That feeling is just heavenly!

Even though sometimes I still face hints of loneliness, cos I’m not perfect still…yet, the turnaround time is a lot faster now… Back to my Sat encounter, the moment I set off from my home for church, the moment I got onto the MRT, I heard God’s clear voice speaking to me…& I’m immediately lifted up….yes, uplifted even when I’m alone on the MRT….Then I realized that there were so many times when I got inspirations, answers, & even messages for SSG when I am alone…God never made me feel that I’m alone! His voice is always the loudest when I’m alone with Him…God never stop speaking to me, but only when I’m quiet down & alone, then I can give Him full attention & not be distracted by other things…

And the frequency of those loneliness attacks are lesser too, as God has placed more people besides me, as my sheep & as my friends…so that’s really no room for me to feel lonely…in fact, nowadays, I find myself having to ‘fight for my personal space to be alone’, instead ‘being afraid to be alone”…last time, on way to work on my company bus, I used to fear no one talk to me, now I hope no one talk to me in the morning so that my heart can be quiet before God…last time I like to ask friends to shop with me, now I prefer to shop alone…No, it’s not that I no longer like to be with people or is tired with ‘entertaining’ people….but somehow, I feel I’m like a battery…I need to recharge myself…to have exclusive undisturbed quiet moments with God….then I myself is filled with love from God, then I can have the strength to face people & bless them…

So yes, I am not alone! Do you feel alone? Hope you too will find the “blissful solitude”! God is just right besides you now! 🙂


4 Responses to “From Dreadful Loneliness to Blissful Solitude :)”

  1. suyun2710 March 2, 2010 at 9:58 am #

    I guess I am used to being alone but I need to enjoy the blissful solitude with God more during my lonely times.

  2. Qiuyin March 2, 2010 at 4:57 pm #

    Hi sis, you are never alone as I can see God’s hand is leading you to be His spokesperson of this era. Indeed you have grown more and more blessed these few years, and your life will surely touch the lives of many to come. : )) Continue to enjoy your solitude with God!

  3. Shiya March 3, 2010 at 12:00 am #

    Hi sis, this is really a powerful post. I especially love ” his voice is always the loudest when we r alone with him” Loneliness is what every single soul on earth would face. May all our time alone with god be filled with bliss, joy n recharged with strength to face people n situations.


  1. There is None Like Me, In His Eyes! :) « When Grace Overwhelms Typicality… - March 3, 2010

    […] always speaks to me & gives me inspirations & answers when I am alone…As I shared, last Sat, when I am on the MRT, feeling abit tired & unmotivated…God brought a song to my […]

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