迟来的应允, 最好的应允！Late Answer, Best Answer!

Oh I hadn’t been blogging for sooo long!!

On this fine afternoon on a public holiday, thought I should restart my blogging engine…

Hmm…so this ‘迟来的’ (late) blog entry shall talk about ‘迟来的应允’ (late answers)…

Since young, I am always ‘slower’ than others…      

• By the time others already grown very tall, I am still very short (believe me, I was the shortest in class, seating at the very front row till Sec 2, age 14!)
• When everyone started to use ‘pager’, I haven’t…
• When everyone started to have handphones, I only just began using pager…
• When everyone found job after uni graduation, I only found mine 2 months later…
• When everyone started having & changing boyfriends, I only had my first boyfriend at age 20…
• I only took my first plane ride at age 25, when most of my peers already tried it so many times…

Sometimes, I will ask God why I’m always the last…why I always get to enjoy things later than the others…Is it fair? Or is it ‘cos I don’t deserve to enjoy good things as much as others deserve?

BUT

In the end, I grew to be the tallest…

I had many chances of travelling…

Though I took longer to find job, I found the job that I’m so contented with that I stayed on till now for 8 years since graduation…

So who says that deferred answers are not good…or that blessings will be missed out when they come at a later timing…

Heh…some of you would have guessed what’s the ‘迟来的应允’ late answer that I am sharing here…

Yes, here’s the ‘迟来的应允’ :

Well, since Pastor already made that ‘announcement’ for us, some of you would know that we are colleagues…

Knew for about 3 years…

Got closer since 1.5 yrs ago…

He was a non-Christian but now a believer…

2 years younger than me…

Actually, both of us never imagined we would be together…

When we first knew each other yrs ago, he thought I was a 33-year old auntie (I was only 27 or 28 then)!!!! He finds me very naggy at that time…and thinks that I am very picky and have ‘princess’ expectations…no wonder was still single…

And I always think to myself that whoever is his girlfriend is very poor thing, he doesn’t seem to know how to take care of the girl, and he looks so skinny & shy how to protect the girl…

But God is cute..it turns out that I became that ‘fool’…heh…

Well, but I took a long 1+ year to decide becoming the ‘fool’, ‘cos I really had a lot of concerns:

Most important factor: He was NOT a Christian then…& it seemed difficult that he would believe (he don’t have problems in life, so don’t seem to ‘need’ Jesus at all), & even if he does believe, the spiritual gap may be too far for us to come together…and will he find it too much if he knows I am going to be the next full-time pastor (i.e. if he knows that I am ‘that serious’ in my faith)…

He looked soooooo young plus I am so very tall, I look like his godmother standing beside him..how to go out with him like that..

Besides looking young, he is really still young, so is he just ‘playing’ around? After all, he is young, he can afford to play trial & error a few more years with a few ‘targets’, & he is the kind who likes to take risks…but I am super risk-adverse…Furthermore, he came to me not long after he broke up, why he could get over so fast?….He just don’t give any sense of ‘security’…

But God led in amazing ways…

First, He led pastor to tell me to be “open-minded” (i.e. who says cannot consider non-Christian suitors) just about the time CJ appeared…of cos, pastor qualified by saying that he would not say that to any person if their foundation in the Lord is not that stable yet…but he knew I am the risk adverse, conservative and ‘rigid’ in following the Bible kind…so he wanted me to understand Holy Spirit’s flexible & unimaginable guidance better…in any case, pastor knew that if the person don’t love God in the end, I wouldn’t be attracted to him even if I am open-minded…

Then 2 most important things pastor told me were:

(1) care for (focus on, 关注) CJ’s salvation / soul more than thinking about whether God plans for us to be together in the end (‘cos whether or not we are matched by God, God’s will is definitely for him to be saved!), and

(2) definitely have to be passive and slow, since he is non-believer.           

So subsequently, I limit my communication with CJ to talk more about faith/spiritual matters…finally brought him to church…he was touched by Holy Spirit the first time he came to my church…then he went to his friend’s church for a few months to understand the gospel because he wanted to de-link me & the faith & know God independent of me…but even after he went church regularly every week, I knew he was definitely not born again…so in between I made things clear with him at least twice on separate occasions that we cannot be together…ha actually at that time, I already liked him when I rejected him…but my thought is ‘what will be, will be’, if God wants us to be together, God will surely let us ‘失而复得’…otherwise, 不是我的，就不是我的.

After the awkward rejections, we stayed away from each other for quite awhile…but strangely, God kept bringing us together: from different office buildings to the same office, from different seats to sit beside each other, from not-on-talking terms to talk again…

More importantly, throughout this period, God has also slowly changed CJ’s spirit to truly believe & become born again…

Later on, as I talked more to him to understand him better, I started to see how God made him grow spiritually…& at a very fast pace too…But of cos we had differing views about some spiritual matters. There were some occasions when we discussed at length about ‘神为’ and ‘人为’…he could not agree with me on some things, & we again stopped talking for awhile, to the extent we knew we cannot be together if we cannot reconcile on this perspective. Somehow, God enlightened him…

Heh…I used to joke that God will surely give me a fat, old, bald shorty for my second boyfriend, to be everything different from my ex, so that I can focus on the matters of spirit rather than matters of flesh (‘cos everyone knows I focus a lot on ‘aesthetics’)…

But God is so good, this time I got someone who’s handsome as well, not taller but at least not shorter than me (without my heels), who’s a young Christian but can communicate with me better than my ex, even spiritually…and who’s even younger than me (hey, it’s harder to get someone younger to like a woman leh, there’re a lot more ‘sweet young things’ out there as options ma…)

So it’s all God’s grace & doing…and I thank God for this ‘deferred’ (it took 5-6 years!) yet best answer to prayers…haha & I thank all who prayed for me & given me support through these years!

Pastor ever told me that when the real Answer (Mr Right) comes, my joy will be so great that I will cleanly forget how painful I was in the past 5-6 years…& indeed it is so!

Many people are afraid to wait and cannot be happy in the waiting process, but in the last 5-6 years, God trained me to totally experience what it means by:

不一定要等到看到应允后才喜乐；乃是先因为神的爱而喜乐，而过后必看见神信实的证据！

Do not have to wait till receive the answer then can rejoice; but delight first in the love of Christ, and then will see God’s faithful evidences!

Process (enjoy Immanuel) is more important than the outcome! 过程（能享受主）胜于结果！

Of cos, even after getting the ‘deferred’ answer, there are still things to pray about & to rely on faith…the path ahead may not be completely ‘rosy’, but God has made me realize that in any good or bad situation, I still need Him all the same (doesn’t mean receive answer then don’t need Him anymore).

So those who already received answers need not feel too happy or that others without answers yet are 可怜; and those who are still waiting for answers also need not feel discouraged, for God says:

Bliss

When a person’s heart ONLY wants to LOVE GOD…

When all he wants is CHRIST ALONE…

He enters PERFECT BLISS…

A state without accusation, fear, sense of failure, inferiority, worry…

 ‘cos you only want God, and God already gave Himself to you and He never leaves you…

 

The reverse is true…

 A person is not in perfect bliss, because there is still something he desires more than Christ…

Something that satisfies him more than Christ…

Something that makes him feels more successful than being a child of God…

Something, some plans that he feels are better than what Christ has given him…

 

Bliss is not found completely in good health, for everyone experiences illnesses & eventual death…

Not in wealth, for it is never enough…

Not in human love, for even the one who loves you most will be separated from you one day…

Not in seeing our loved ones living well now, for no one can take care of their loved ones forever and the worries for them never end…

 

BUT bliss is found in Christ alone, within whom lies all assurance, all forgiveness and everything we need…

 

Photo credit to source

So if ALL we want is Christ, then nothing can make us fear, discontented, accused, unhappy…

In the Arms of His Love

 

In the arms of His love I find rest
In the arms of His love there’s sweet quietness
Nothing can harm me no reason to fear
Safe in the arms of His love

Softly He speaks to my spirit
Drawing me into His grace
Laying aside all my worries and pride
To enter His gentle embrace

In the arms of Your love I find rest
In the arms of Your love there’s sweet quietness
Nothing can harm me no reason to fear
Safe in the arms of Your love
Yes I’m safe in the arms of Your love

Paradox

Mark 8:35-37

 ³⁵ For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me and for the gospel will save it. ³⁶ What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? ³⁷ Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?

 

Matt 10: 39

 ³⁹ Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it.

 

一直”要得“的人，绝不能胜过”要舍“的人

一直”要赢“的人，绝不能胜过”要输“的

“要活“的人绝不能胜过”要死“的人

 

“短暂“的不能胜过”永远“的

“没有供应者“的不能胜过”有供应者的“

“一点保障都没有的人”怎能与“常看到天使的保护的人”相比!

 

“爱“绝对胜过”戒律“

“神秘的事“绝不能胜过”24 小时，凡事“看见神的

“人为”胜不过“神为”

Just Pause to Listen…

Have been wanting to blog for sooo long but laptop got virus…thanks to Bro DW, it is now revived & he even managed to salvage all my data too  

I think recently I also seemed to have a “virus” attack… When my cell member told me that I appeared to be ‘strange’ lately, I thought it is ‘worrying’ for even the cell group member to notice..heh…

Yes, when I examine myself, I also thought I’m strange recently…tend to feel stressed, sian, low energy easier…no longer as easily cheery…For a few months, I’d got this feeling that I’m like “Jack of all trades, but master of none”…there’s many things I wanted to do well, but there’s so many things to be busy about…Due to the many demands, I seem to lack focus to do everything well enough…I wanted very much to be a good supervisor, good subordinate, spend time with my staff/colleagues to show some concern & hear their stories/feelings, good cell group leader, good intercessor, good deacon, etc etc…but I just don’t have sufficient time & attention to perform each role wholeheartedly…most of the time, I do these things half-heartedly..& was overwhelmed with feelings of inadequacies…Moreover, despite being as busy as ever that I seemed to have lesser time for myself, it all seem to be ‘labour in vain’, as the half-hearted efforts also yielded non-optimal results…& I got this“得不偿失” feeling …& I felt I shortchanged my boss, my staff, my cell members, God etc…

Strangely some years ago, when I faced greater problems, setback, unhappiness, even then I seemed to have more inner strength & joy than now…Actually, my current stress or challenges are not even half the intensity of the problem I had years ago…when I think about, by right it is not that difficult to resolve those stress in Christ mah..but why it seemed so difficult this time…I have already experienced the impossible in God before, so what’s so hard now?

Then I realise that the scariest thing is not the problem/issue itself, but the scariest thing is not being able to hear the voice of God…In my greater problem last time, I heard God & was comforted & courageous…When Stephen was about to be stoned to death, he saw God & was peaceful…When Daniel was in lions’ den, he was assured when he met God in prayers…When Esther, a mere woman, heard God, she was not afraid of even death… God reminded me that recently because of the busyness, I tend to forget to seek God’s voice as often & concretely…because I felt drained, I did not seek to only delight in the Lord, but I only felt happier if I’m freer, etc…

Of course God still shows immense grace all these while… And He is purging that virus out & reminding me that as long as I seek to delight only in Him again, as I did when I faced the great problem years ago, I can receive immeasurable joy & strength again…

 

Today, I had such a wonderful ssg

Was actually very tired after work…& something happened at work that made me feel real stupid again…& I didn’t feel boss protect me as she should have…

Was secretly happy when my cell members told me they not coming…

Already on way home when suddenly 2 of them called to say they wanted to have cell tonite…

Was wondering how to lead the cell…cos totally not in the mood… But while waiting for them, instead of preparing the message, I kept listening over & over & over again this soothing & nice song posted by sis Liwen recently:

Amazingly, God is as wonderful as ever, it’s really so easy to restore strength when we hear the voice of God…I think my spirit melted the moment I heard this song:

“祷告还沒有蒙垂听的时候 我用信心抬起头

藍天白云总会再次提醒我 神的意念高过我

生命是祢所造 一切祢明瞭 祢岂会不知道 我此刻需要

卸下所有重担完全交托 祢的恩典夠我用”

 

God is so interesting to make me lead cell when I least have the mood…Furthermore, this thurs cell was stopped for months due to another church course, & only resumed this week…I saw how the 2 members’ spirits were lifted up by God Himself & His word…& how words were amazingly added to me when I heard His voice…

 

I still don’t look forward to going to work nowadays…but I think God is telling me the answer is actually very simple: Seek to hear His voice & delight in Him!

Something we can do…

人不能24小时刚强，但人再软弱还是可以24小时 寻求（依靠/面对）主!

Though man cannot be strong 24 hours, he still can seek the Lord 24 hours, no matter how weak he is!

Rethink LOVE

Since its Valentine’s again, I shall blog something on love…

Well, as a cell group leader ministering mostly to young people, I cannot ignore this issue about love, which is close to their hearts (haha and mine too la)…

I remember a message (video link) which I heard about 1.5 years ago that left a deep impression on me. This is one of the most practical messages on viewing / building a love relationship in Christ. It benefited me a lot and helped refine my entire stance toward love…As the message tries to address the many different love scenarios (single, dating, divorced, re-marriage, married, etc), it is slightly long…but the details in the message are worth spending the time. For easy reference together with the video, the notes can be found here…

Takeaways from the message:

Regardless of what status you are right now, just love the Lord first…你爱主吗？若爱主（比一切更多）的话，再‘难’也会得（神赐的）能力跟从的!

Speaking about this, I remember in my JC days, I was so close, so close to being together with this non-Christian guy…everyone in the class, including the teachers, thought we were a couple…but I remained in my own self-denial, refusing to acknowledge him as a boyfriend, though we spent time together like a couple everyday…cos I couldn’t convince my spirit (conscience) to accept someone whom God did not approve me to be with…Yet on the other hand, he was someone whom I had secretly hoped would fall for me, though that stupid boy was helping 2 of his good friends go after me…so when he did like me in the end, of cos I was happy! Furthermore, he was very sweet, always trying to please me in everything, and never refuse me in anything…very 千依百顺…

So I got carried away and indulged myself for months, though I clearly knew I shouldn’t cross the line with a non-Christian, at least not till he received salvation…of course, he would say he wouldn’t mind attending church, he would sometimes even quote God’s word to encourage me…yet I clearly saw he has no interest in God and his spirit was not touched personally by Christ…no matter how I tried to find excuses to let this go on (like ‘who knows, maybe God will save him someday through me?’, maybe my love can transform him?’, ‘at least he is open to attending church and hearing sermons’)…but God refused to let my spirit be fooled…when I faced it honestly, I know it was 似是而非 (seemed to be but not the case)…yes, certain things/actions/knowledge can be “learned”, but matters of the spirit can’t be fooled…

I even fought with God a few times: “Since he likes me and I like him, does it make sense if we cannot be together, just because of different faith? Isn’t it such a pity, can’t God just turn him into a Christian, since nothing is impossible for God?” But when I restore the assurance of God’s love and the heart to love God, then God’s perfect will was revealed to me. Actually, it is not the different faith that stopped us from being together, BUT to begin with, he was really not the man God plans for me, otherwise God would have made him believe somehow…And if he is not the One, then actually I also wouldn’t be too upset if God wants to take him away too…In fact, when I think deeper, I realised that faith aside, I might not like him that much after all too…Furthermore, if God had so easily made him a Christian for us to get together, what crown would I have and what answer can I provide to others? It is so common for a believer to struggle cos of the temptation to date a non-believer. If I had not been through the test of relying on God to overcome such temptation, I would have no convincing solution for others facing same tests (cos God cannot possibly make the non-believer a Christian in every case)…

Though many may think that God is unreasonable to demand that we stop liking someone we actually liked, I realised it’s not that difficult actually, if that guy is not match-made by God…God is not a Father who forces us to do things against our will…If that guy is not meant to be, amazingly we ourselves will lose the interest in him over time too, as we walk closer with God…

Just like that JC guy…yes, I was indeed happy when I went out with him, that I thought I was on top of the world. Yet strangely, the moment I went back to church, though it could be just a seemingly normal worship, the joy that filled my heart so far far surpassed that ‘on top of the world’ feeling which I had just a minute ago when I was with him…

It’s somewhat like when 2 guys woo a gal at the same time, the gal may be neutral to both of them in the beginning and gives each of them equal chances…until a point when she feels significantly happier with one of them, that’s when she has to make a decision to be with just one of them and keep a platonic distance with the other. Likewise, God is one suitor, the non-Christian guy is the other suitor…When I’m more drawn to one, naturally my heart will feel less satisfied with the other one (just like when we have tried first class seat, we wouldn’t be fascinated with business class anymore)…and the bliss I derive from the peace in Christ sure outweighs the pleasure from indulgence in flesh… Furthermore, Satan’s “accusations” of me being with someone I shouldn’t literally killed all the dating joys…

My sense of belonging still lies in Christ, so someone outside of Christ just cannot appeal to me for very long…a different spirit means different spirit! 灵不一样就是不一样! How is it possible for “two to become one” when the spirits are different? With God’s all-satisfying love, I think I can manage without the finite love of even the guy I like, BUT even with the entire love of man, I don’t think I can be truly satisfied/happy even if my relationship with God is only but slightly broken (being fully reconciled with God in all areas of life, except for even one aspect will also make the entire spirit unhappy).

Though God gave me strength to do the right thing in the end in JC, it was almost like a pseudo ‘break-up’ although to this day I never regarded him as a boyfriend…We saw each other everyday in class, it was our ‘A’ levels…it was difficult for me but it was even more difficult for him…If only I had more self-control and submitted to God, both our hurt might have been prevented. Yet, God confirmed that my submission was right ‘cos I felt totally relieved (more than being sad) after doing the right thing…

However, this incident left such great impression that I told myself I would never want to let history repeat itself ever again…

Something the Pastor said at CNY prayer meeting touched me: Those who held God and His word in high esteem, will they themselves be exalted (rewarded) by God too…though in the beginning, they may seem to have a tough journey, God will prove that they have the very best in the end! If we let go of something not very precious to us, what crown will we gain? But if we give up what we treasured ‘cos God said it’s good for us to let go, how would He not return us more than what we offered?

Of cos God blessed me lots after I submitted. Thank God for using this JC experience and the rewards of submission to guide me subsequently on how to deal with love relationships, especially where different faith is concerned…a smart student wouldn’t want to learn the same lesson twice…

Different Roles of Man and Woman [Main pt 2, sub-pt 3 in notes]

Frankly speaking, before I heard this message, I used to think that my previous break-up (with the ‘real’ ex-bf) was all his fault ‘cos he broke the trust between us, while I’m the poor victim…but this message gave me the sudden awakening that I was equally responsible for killing our relationship because I did not play the role of a woman well. I remembered smsing pastor after hearing the message that I now better understand the real reason behind the break-up and how I can pray to be a better woman.

Since young, I clearly knew the biblical principles that woman must submit to the man. Yet, in this modern era where women are as capable, eloquent, spiritual as men, it’s really difficult…furthermore, it is especially tough for women to keep our tongues and expectations in check.

My previous fatal mistake was that my love was not “spiritualised”…instead of loving even the ugliest and weakest side of him, I always knowingly or unknowingly put him down…Actually, love is not about ‘exposing’, but ‘protecting’ (protecting especially the spirit 心灵 of our loved ones)…Pastor said something that hit me, it is not that the man is not spiritual enough or cannot qualify as the ‘Head’, but the woman keeps extinguishing the man’s spiritual dignity (灭弟兄属灵的志气) that he can’t rise up to be the Head…sometimes even the word of God has to be applied under the guidance of Holy Spirit…otherwise, the more biblical knowledge one has, the more lethal one’s accusations and pressure on our loved ones can be…I just had too much comments, too much expectations…and the real issue is, I never really look up to him in my heart…Because I did not know how to play the role of woman well, I had killed the love in the man who loved me…After the message, I felt as if he was the victim instead of me!

So I realise that the prettiest and smartest woman is one who can make her man look good…Let him really take the position as ‘Head’, while she completely submits prayerfully and complements where he needs support…as what Pastor said, regardless of how good/bad the brother is, the sister should 顺服到弟兄的男子气概出来…The man should shine and the sister just needs to be faithfully and quietly in the background…It is not beautiful for the woman to be ‘louder’ than the man…

And man has the greatest charm when he is spiritual and when he can sacrifice for the woman…God made woman to be the weaker party…more emotional and waver more easily, even a strong woman believer’s faith may be shaken easily…so a good man will know how to protect the woman (more important than physical protection is the protection of her spirit)…sometimes to protect her spirit from accusations and attacks from Satan, the man can also sacrifice even if he has to give in, 吃亏, etc…But how can a man protect the woman’s spirit, if he does not know spiritual mysteries?….And perhaps because women are more unstable in emotion and in faith, women tend to look for security…and a spiritual man will make any woman feel secured…because his Head is Christ Himself, he will not be shaken easily by forces of darkness and can always see God’s answers in problems….where else can we find security except in Christ, so if the guy is firm in Christ, he will make people around him feel assured in God too…All man has weaknesses, but if a man follows God, it’s easier to trust him, not cos he is trustworthy, but cos the God who is leading his entire life/decisions/actions is trustworthy…

In the end, we are who we attract…

Fragrance (of Christ) attracts butterflies…but stench (of worldliness) only attracts flies…

Birds of same feathers flock together… if the goal of my life is to simply enjoy worldly pleasures and aimlessly waste my time away, like-minded people will be attracted to me…

But if I want to centre my life on Christ, enjoy His abundant love and blessings and fulfil His purpose, then ‘worldly and aimless’ people will find me boring and crazy, but people of the same spirit will be attracted to my spirit (not physical appearance)…

So if I want a spiritual lifetime co-worker, then I must build up my spirituality in the meantime, to match up to the one God prepared for me…

Principles for those Single/Dating – Reference from Isaac and Rebekah <Gen 24> [Main pt 1, sub-pt 5 of notes]

Of course, this part of the message is most relevant to me.

My ex-CEO always teased me that the reason why I’m still single is ‘cos I’m waiting for “Jesus Christ”…Well, no, I’m not waiting for the ‘perfect’ guy…my pastor always tells me that my future spouse may not be “perfect”, but he will surely be the most “suitable” one God prepares for me…someone whose presence can draw me closer to God instead of pulling my heart away from God, someone who can give me full support to do God’s ministries and someone whom I can also complement and bring him closer to God…As a couple, we will be able to serve God and bless His people gloriously…

Hmm, things that God hasn’t made clear yet, I shall not try to find out…and some timetable I do not know will take how long, but I will know when it’s time to know and what God meant to be will be…

Principles of Marriage – [Main pt 1]

This part is useful for me ‘cos I need to minister to others…Besides the married, this segment would be relevant for those singles / dating who plan to get married too…

The blog entry is already so long, so I shall not share further…actually the critical points are mainly in the message itself…so the video is highly recommended regardless of what’s your status now…there will surely be parts of the message that is relevant for you …

This Valentine’s Day, let’s rethink love, in God’s perspective…and let’s reflect whether all our love relationships are centred on Christ-blessed principles, so that we can enjoy total bliss from our relationships! 

1st Year Anniversary!

Last year this day was when my blog was started…

Before that day, Pastor had been bugging me to start a blog…

But I kept procrastinating…in fact, among those “arrowed” by him, I’m the last person to launch the blog…

Though I felt “stressed” that everyone else’s blogs were already up, I just couldn’t find the urge to start…and I did not want to do something for the sake of doing, or just ‘cos pastor tells me to do so…

I do not have the flair nor interest in writing…and I also dunno what I could possibly write in a blog…my life is so boring, I thought……even if I write, who will be interested to read anyway…

Besides, I couldn’t really convince myself why I need to commit to yet another ‘ministry’…Can I really sustain it? I didn’t want to start something that I could not see through…

It’s easy to remember the date when I finally could start the blog…

‘cos 8^th Feb 2010 was the day “he” left for HK, permanently…

Couldn’t really work that day, took leave and went airport at the last minute…after coming back from the airport and having dessert with pastor, still didn’t feel that good…

I thought I would waste that day away, but strangely, that very nite, instead of remaining in weak blankness, I actually found the urge to draft my 1^st blog post: Why continue to suffer? Pick the better choice!

Perhaps that’s what it was meant by “化悲愤为力量”吧…

Actually how the contents for this first blog entry came about was quite unexpected too…cos I was really blank in my mind, only wanting to indulge in all the negative thoughts…Then suddenly I thought: “what if it is not me but my cell member who is facing this situation right now? If I jump out of my situation and revert as a cell group leader, what would I tell my cell member? If I expect my words to comfort my cell member, then the true test is, can those words really uplift myself too?”…

And so, the contents of the first blog post were out…

Strangely, after I finished writing, my thoughts were more sorted out and my mood was lighter and I felt reconciled with God again…

That was my first experience of how writing blog can be so similar to King David writing his Psalms (one of my favourite books of the Bible)…

In Psalms, we can see how David would always transform his ‘complaints’, ‘fears’ and ‘guilt’ to “hope, grace & love of God”…

Likewise, many a times, my mood and perspective also changed from a wrong/negative one to the right one when I started writing the little accounts of my life, with an emphasis to link back to God’s promises…

So I’m glad I started the blog in the end…

At first, I doubted how this blog could bring people to God…

But when I took the step of submission to start this blog, God showed me how this could benefit others…Well, at least I was wrong, there are people who read blogs…

Yet, more important than sharing testimonies to others through the blog (which was the original purpose why I was asked to start this blog), I came to realise that God’s intention was for myself to benefit most from the blog, whether anybody reads it or not …

Speaking about the need to “format” our belief system in Christ and “confirming” the theories we heard in church till we can truly be convinced in our hearts that God’s word is true…Through the blog, I get to organise my thoughts and confirm God’s truth in my heart…Having the blog kind of make me more sensitive to seek out God’s daily guidance and perfect will in my seemingly normal day-to-day living. Otherwise, I may just be an absent-minded gal who tends to take God’s work for granted…Actually, God’s grace and voice abounds even in little things of normal days! I had thought it may be difficult to sustain the blog writing, but blog contents actually come very easily when we are in constant communication with God and when we can see God’s work in every aspect of our living…Just to show how ‘reluctant’ I was to start the blog, I told pastor that I would only have one blog post max per month, meaning 12 posts in a year…when I looked back, God actually led me to write 32 posts…all not entered reluctantly, but ‘cos I saw His grace and feel like sharing…

The other day, a brother suggested that we should seek out “healthy recreation” that is “not addictive”…I was thinking what kind of recreation is non-addictive? Since I don’t like to exercise or read, every other kind of recreation that I can think of and which I like seems to be addictive in some ways…But perhaps blogging can be one such ‘healthy recreation’?…ha, a few times I actually skipped my Korean drama series ‘cos I wanted to write blogs…

As I read back some of my previous posts, it’s heartening to count God’s blessings over again…

I pray that by the 2^nd anniversary, more of my typicality can be drowned by God’s grace!

Resisting Little Moments of Folly

Sometimes, the right choice is so blatantly obvious…just as God says –- “显而易见”…

Yet, man sometimes just cannot delay gratification, but often indulges in little moments of folly, which led to unwarranted unhappiness…

I was thankful God let me made the right choice yesterday…

Well, some people say that when one is busier, one also tends to let loose more easily…

‘cos for whatever amount of energy we exerted, we sometimes require the same amount of ‘relaxation/pampering’ to recharge ourselves…

So when we are busier, or sometimes for me, when I alternate too much between work and leading church meetings and having too much “spiritual” talks/sessions with people (i.e. the ‘heavy’ and meaningful stuff), I also tend to crave all the more to do worldly things…just to relax my mind, satisfy my desires abit, be left alone to do the things I enjoy, absolutely without the need to entertain anyone, or try too hard to maintain the ‘spiritual image’ people had of me…

So yesterday, I was sooooo tempted to go shopping after prayer meeting ended at 7 pm…I felt I hadn’t had a hearty shopping session for so long…I tried finding excuses for myself…I need to buy presents, CNY stuff, spend my tons of shopping vouchers, etc etc…

Yet, I’m also secretly abit scared that I will be unhappy after the shopping…After all, it does seem abit ‘pathetic’ to be shopping alone on a Sat nite…what if I bump into people? It’s going to be abit embarrassing -  to spend sat nite alone…Moreover, if I shop alone, I will have no dinner…cos there’s no way I would eat alone on a sat evening in town…So I know if I proceed with my shopping plan, I may end up being unhappy, with all the unnecessary ‘pathetic’ thoughts sneakily creeping in… Furthermore, while shopping is not any ‘big sin’, it’s clearly not God’s will for me to shop after prayer meeting ‘cos I still gotta translate the sermon outline for Sunday service and I shouldn’t sleep too late on a sat nite, since I have to wake up early the next morning…

Yet, the shopping craving was still very strong…

As I’m trying very hard to decide what to do after prayer meeting, God suddenly spoke to me “why are you thinking so hard? Isn’t the option obvious enough? Here I have prepared for you a big group of bro/sis to eat dinner with you, keep you company and give you joy…why do you keep thinking about your own interests, own plans, own ways? Why do you want to 自找麻烦 (create trouble for yourself) when I have already planned the best for you? You need not be unhappy and alone on a sat nite, if only you don’t resist my plans for you!”

So it is not that I don’t have (nice things), but whether I want to obey God, and thus enjoy His blessings…

But many times, silly me will think that obedience requires me to give up some of my ‘happiness’…

Yet, I fail to realize that happiness actually comes only when I obey!

Even for such a simple matter, it’s a tough battle for the weak and typical me…but in the end, I submitted somehow…and dinner was especially joyful yesterday evening…the rest of the night was also fruitfully spent…

I would have spent an unhappy Sat gratifying my desire, with an additional accusation of disobeying His will; OR I would have spent blessed and joyful time in the activities God prepared for me…Thankfully, God made me resist my little moments of folly

Very often, we heard people saying, “早知道就好了 (if only I had known better)…”, after they willfully go ahead with their own plans and subsequently regretted, cos things didn’t turn out as well as they had hoped…

And usually, we would also think that what God wants us to do seem so utterly boring, not exciting and not matching to our hearts/desires, UNTIL we somehow submitted and thus tasted the goodness…then we will say “还好 (thank goodness) I obeyed!”

In the past, I had more cases of saying “早知道”, cos I’m more willful and there were more things I couldn’t let go of…And thus, I also went through some “training” from God to help me realize that no matter how right I seemed to be, my own ways (without consulting God) will always make me regret somehow…and no matter how ‘unpalatable’ God’s ways seemed to be and though I need to try so very hard to choose His way instead of mine, it’s always proven that His ways will always make me happier in the end than my ways! So over the years, I started to have more of “还好 I chose God over my feelings/thoughts/desires!”

I pray that we will always have more of “还好我听从了主” than “早知道我听从主就好了”…

God’s word in James 4: 7-8 is absolutely true:

A “Wow” Scene after Every Tunnel

That’s what my Europe tour guide kept repeating on the 12-day trip I had in Nov 2010. He said it at least 3 times every day and urged us not to sigh whenever we passed thru’ a tunnel, but to anticipate the breathtaking scenery that would always follow. That was one of the things I vividly remembered from the trip. At first I thought he was exaggerating. How is it possible that a beautiful scenery would definitely await us after every tunnel?

But true enough, he was right, in Italy & more so in Switzerland…So my tour group was conditioned to feel excited (instead of bored) each time we entered a tunnel..

This seems to resonate with how 2011 began…

For my church, some of us faced some unexpected struggles at end 2010…

I mentioned Dec is my favorite month, but in Dec 2010, I had to visit 3 critically ill parents of church friends, attended a funeral and for myself, I had a very very big quarrel with mum on Christmas day! What a way to spend Christmas! Then fever for 2 days during new year and faced some challenges at work…The usually joyful Christmas month seemed to be a little ‘gloomy’…

Seemed like a bad start to a new year…but I remembered this analogy of ‘blessings’ after every ‘tunnel’…and true enough, God never fail those who trusted and hoped in Him…Take for example the 3 critically ill parents, one was discharged, one received salvation before going home to the Lord and one was on path to recovery after going through near-death encounter…

Through these, God trained me to learn using spirit to handle every situation, instead of reacting rashly by flesh…In fact, this had been my most frequently prayed contents these first 2 weeks of 2011, especially on the way to work every day…

Perhaps I have been too “pampered” at work last time…everything was smooth, everyone favored me, it was not that busy too…

But now I think I get to understand better why some people dread work…

Yes, because of the changes at work, I do not look forward to going to work so much…

And it was tempting to quit, especially when 2 seemingly good job offers from larger organisations (one each in 1^st 2 weeks of Jan 2011) unexpectedly came without me searching, one of them even asked me 3 times to consider…but of cos I know that’s surely not God’s will…

I am quite weak-willed, which I thought is more typical of women (as compared to men).

When faced with an unpleasant situation or uncertainty or something that seems impossible to achieve, between “fight” and “flight”, I would almost certainly choose “flight”…

But God’s voice is that I must fight this typical trait, instead of always choosing the easy way out & wanting God to lift me out of undesirable circumstances…

The prayer to use spirit to rule over everything is always effective. Especially in my work, it changes:

 
• Busyness to manageable stress
• Differences to harmony
• Irritated faces to smiley ones
• Awkwardness to comfort
• Dreadfulness to anticipation

 

Applying this prayer always let me see the beautiful sight (God’s transformational work on people & circumstances) after every tunnel (the initial irritation or attacks from Satan)…

Though of lower rank, I can even influence my boss’ mood & decisions, when my spirit is right…

And I realized my new boss and colleagues are also quite nice too, at least not as difficult as I imagined…

So I need not get too worked up when my boss says I can’t go church or when my staff gives attitude again or when the workload gets too much…the right spirit can change everything and make it work for the good of God’s loved ones…

And from the 2 unexpected job offers, God seems to tell me that if He wants to give us another job, a life partner, happiness, success, etc (i.e. if God wants to lift us out of an issue/problem), it’s actually very easy for Him & it can happen very fast, at a time we least expect it…

BUT if He wants us to remain in our current conditions for a while longer, cos there are still some blessings that we haven’t acquired/learnt in the journey, can we wait first?

Yes, the waiting process may seem unpleasant, but our loving God will surely not let us go through the process in vain…the process is as important as, if not more important than, the end outcome…’cos God carefully plans our every step…

Reaching the final outcome/destination would have no much meaning, if we didn’t grasp God’s perfect will & voice in the process…So what if we finally have a successful career, happy family, wealth, etc? The joy of reaching that destination will only but last for awhile…after that, new boredom and challenges will come…

If we are not closer to God, or do not master a set of answers/spiritual insights, or learn to put down our old self and rebuild God’s new way of the Spirit in the process, then the power/happiness/contentment of our lives will not improve much, even after getting what we wanted…

Just like on the tour bus to a certain destination, we will find the journey long & weary if we keep awaiting to see only the final destination…but if we care to pay attention to the sceneries outside the window, we will realize that the beautiful scenes keep changing…If our cameras are not ready, we will miss those scenes. Likewise, if our hearts do not seek God in the current journey we are going through, our hearts cannot register all God’s grace/voice/blessings prepared for us in the process…

Whether we are sleeping or awake in the coach, we will still reach the final destination (i.e. blessings God will faithfully preserve for His loved ones -  when it’s time to be successful, God will make you successful, when it’s time to form family, God will let you meet your love, when it’s time to be healed, God will heal you, etc), but the one who sleeps will miss all the pretty scenes God prepares for us during the journey…& thus go thru a painful waiting process, though he will still get what God sets aside for him in the end…

Sometimes God allows us to go through tunnels in our lives, but He will prepare the beautiful sight/light at the end of the tunnel…there’ll always be His rainbow of promise after the rain…

As long as we do not stop walking (with God), we will emerge from the tunnel one day…into a beautiful end that’s worth the tunnel’s walk.